Aug 31, 2020
If you have trouble asking for what you need, this episode of Woman Worriers is for you. Host Elizabeth Cush and her guest, therapist and author Sharon Martin, talk about how to find your voice and why you might be silencing it.
Quotes:
“A lot of us of fall into trying to be what other people want us
to be.”
— Sharon Martin, LCSW
“You can’t ask for what you need if you don’t know what you
need.”
— Sharon Martin, LCSW
“The reality is that we all have needs.” — Sharon Martin, LCSW
“We need to be asking ourselves throughout the day, ‘What is it that I need?’ so that I have a chance of trying to give that to myself.” — Sharon Martin, LCSW
“People are often surprised to find that others are very willing to help them out.” — Sharon Martin, LCSW
“We have a much greater chance of having our needs met if we can directly tell somebody what they are.” — Sharon Martin, LCSW
“It’s clearly not realistic to go through life thinking we shouldn’t need anything or that we’re going to be able to meet everybody else’s needs and not be tired or not be resentful.” — Sharon Martin, LCSW
“I usually encourage people to start practicing checking in with themselves.” — Sharon Martin, LCSW
“There is a certain vulnerability in asking for something.” — Sharon Martin, LCSW
EPISODE 121
Show Notes:
If always doing for others leaves you feeling exhausted, overwhelming and maybe even resentful, you might need help. Have you asked for it? Many of us who are so good at meeting others’ needs don’t even know where to begin when it comes to our own. In this episode of the Woman Worriers podcast, host Elizabeth Cush, LCPC, of Progression Counseling in Annapolis, Md., welcomes back Sharon Martin, LCSW, a San Francisco Bay-area psychotherapist and author of the Happily Imperfect blog and The CBT Workbook for Perfectionism for a discussion about asking for what you need—whether it’s help with the dishes or just a hug—why it can be so hard, how to get started and the many benefits of learning to identify what you need and to ask for it.
Listen and learn:
- The first thing most women need to do if we want to start asking for what we need
- Why it’s hard for so many women to take the first step
- Why we so often overlook our own needs—and what we need to recognize in order to move forward
- Why putting names to your feelings matters
- Why so many of us end the day by binging on TV and eating junk food
- The simple question we need to start asking ourselves that could make all the difference
- Why it’s not selfish to ask for what you need—and what can happen if you don’t
- Why you shouldn’t apologize when you ask for something
- How not asking for what you need might be affecting your relationships
- The magical thinking trap that many of us fall into
- How our perfectionism can get in the way of asking for what we need—and how social media can make it even harder
- Why getting what you need is sometimes easier than you realize
- Which needs you can meet for yourself and which you can’t
- The role our upbringing plays
- Why getting your needs met is not an all-or-nothing proposition and how you might negotiate
- What happens when someone says “No” to your request—and how to ask so you’re less likely to hear it
- The bigger questions you might want to ask yourself
- How self-compassion can help as you move forward
Resources:
Learn More
> Sharon Martin’s website
> Sharon Martin, LCSW on Facebook
> Sharon Martin, LCSW on Instagram
More conversations with Sharon Martin:
Episode 17- Sharon Martin on Codependence
Episode 42- Sharon Martin On Perfectionism and Anxiety